The Constant Process of becoming an Oblate
Every morning, I sit down and look at the bulletin board at my desk. I have placed the Oblate’s Prayer there. When I don’t look there immediately, there is a nudge from the Lord to do so. I have various moods, as we all do, when I come into work. Sometimes I don’t feel very Benedictine and need more than a nudge. But nearly every day now, I say this prayer.
I have been an Oblate for almost a year. I am fortunate to be at the Monastery every day because I work here. Even so, it can be difficult to get beyond the distractions and connect in the way I would like. What I learned from my initial Formation was that Oblation is an external commitment, but one that we take on due to an internal drive.
I think back to my Formation cohort and realize my fellow students were also all about living life in a way that was more meaningful with deeper connections and perspectives. The speakers that came to meet with us were very welcome because of this, and we enjoyed conversations which helped us to home in on what that deeper life looked like.
For me, this hoped-for Benedictine life is one built of positive habits. One year in and I am still working at it. I wonder how people distracted themselves during St. Benedict’s time. Today, that is all too easy. My bad habits are those I fall into out of exhaustion. I go home from work and all I want is to be zoned out, usually through my phone or TV as it is for many, and I don’t have much willpower to fight it.
“The sixth step of humility is that a monk is content with the lowest and most menial treatment, and regards himself as a poor and worthless workman in whatever task he is given.” [Rule of St. Benedict, 49]
I think my biggest lesson in becoming an Oblate is about humility. I have to say that it was a bit scary to read about The Litany of the Hours and think, “There’s no way I will be capable of doing that!” But then I had to recognize that I was not treating myself gently. Humility is gentle. It is not about name-calling or judgment. It is acceptance. I love that at any given moment I can put myself in time-out, and remember that I am an imperfect being, prone to distraction and rumination. I used to fantasize when I was younger about being a monk, praying all day and baking bread, maybe illuminating a manuscript or two. Humility allows me to recognize that this scenario would not go well for me, as much as I like and still strive for the idea.
So, knowing and working from this foundation, I am trying to synthesize what I have learned into my everyday life. So far, with the Lord’s help I have one, hard-won victory of praying the Oblate’s prayer daily and still a whole list of other items I would like to bring in. When I began this process of learning, I went all in with the goal of using my art as a form of prayer. I would learn about a Saint, draw or paint them and, as I did, reflect on their qualities. However, I am “a poor and worthless workman…” and it wasn’t long before I fell back into my usual habits.
As I write this, I realize that it is good to take this time out for assessment and get the reminder that you can always start again. For this reason, I am glad the Monastery began the option of monthly ongoing Formation this year for Oblates. It is a chance for me to come back to earth and touch my deeper and grounded self for a moment. My idea is to be this person all the time, but I don’t quite get there. It helps to be with a community also striving for this purpose.
With the principles of Humility in mind, the only way to be an Oblate is to be constantly striving to be one. It kind of goes against the teachings to think you are an expert in this process. Doesn’t that feel good! There is no fundamental goal out there but just becoming. It means I am always open to new possibilities or changing things around and adjusting. I have to say this doesn’t eliminate me pressuring myself to do better, but hopefully there is a balance between the striving and acceptance that eventually yields the thoughtful person of God I want to be.
Does my assessment bring you thoughts about your own process? I’d love it if you were to also write them down in an article for the newsletter. Sharing your experiences can only help others in their process of becoming an Oblate.
Melinda Markell, OblSB is the Marketing and Communications Coordinator for St. Paul’s Monastery and its Benedictine Center (since 2022).